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What is a “Relationship” with God? (a response to the Gospel of Relationship)

In answering the question, “Are Christians narrow minded for insisting that faith in Christ is the only way to heaven?,” I said that faith is having a relationship in which we trust that God loves us. This is true. However, in the last couple of months, I have been made aware of a growing trend in Christianity called the Gospel of relationship. Now those who teach this Gospel of relationship use almost the same words I did but they mean something vastly different by them.

In the Gospel of relationship the whole Christian faith and life are basically reduced to this one theme – having a relationship with Christ and the focus of that theme is placed on the word “relationship.” The goal of the relationship Gospel becomes, then, improving our relationship with Christ.

In historic Christianity we also talk about having a relationship with Christ but the focus is on Christ and on growing in faith and knowledge of Him.

The difference is subtle but important.

Perhaps the difference will be clearest if we compare it to how a young woman feels about marriage at different stages of life.

We have all seen an 8 or 9 year old girl playing wedding. She puts a pillow case on her head for a veil, grabs a fistful of dandelions and places reverend “Fluffy,” her stuffed rabbit as officiating minister. But the groom changes from day to day. One day she strong arms little Mikey from next door for the part. The next day, when Mikey is not available, Fido plays the part just as well and concludes his vows by running off with Fluffy in his mouth. The little girl’s focus is on the wedding and on herself.

Hopefully, when she really does walk down the aisle a few years later, the important thing for her will no longer be the wedding or herself, but the man waiting for her at the end of the aisle. What will make the wedding wonderful will not be the fact the she is marrying a man but that she is marrying this specific man.

In much the same way, the relationship gospel tends to leave Christ rather undefined. Beyond knowing that Christ loves, little is actually said about Christ beyond the invocation of His name. In fact, it is rather assumed that since each person will have their own personal relationship with Christ, He will appear somewhat differently to each individual.

In historic Christianity, however, the focus is not on the relationship itself but on Who Christ is. He is not defined by the feelings of our hearts but by the Word of Scripture. Unlike the relationship Gospel, it is assumed that, contrary to Christ appearing uniquely to each of us, Christ will, in fact, appear the same to all believers since we all learn of Him from the same inspired Word.

I find it instructive that when Job was struggling in his relationship with God, God did not give Job a lecture on how to build that relationship up nor did He even assure Job of His love. He simply revealed Himself. Focusing on our relationship does not draw us closer to Christ. Rather, Christ revealing Himself as He is in His unchangeable Word, is what both creates and sustains the relationship.

Secondly, in the relationship gospel, the relationship is strengthened and established by what I do while in historic Christianity the relationship is established by what Christ does.

In the relationship gospel prayer or worship are used primarily to change my feelings about Christ. Communion, Baptism and the Bible itself are, if mentioned at all, seen as tools I use to draw myself closer to Christ. In fact, because the point becomes to improve my relationship by changing my feelings, the Word is often used quite loosely.

As an example, in a sermon from a relationship gospel oriented church last week I heard Matthew 5:19-29 quoted this way, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures just on earth… store up for yourselves treasures also in heaven.” Did you notice the addition of “just” and “also,” which changed Christ words from absolutely letting go of earthly treasures to a more kind and tolerant, “enjoy both heaven and earthly treasures?” The change just happened to fit better with the pastor’s sermon which was we grow our relationship with Christ by enjoying and using his financial gifts to us as evidence of His love for us, remembering, of course, to give Him His portion.

In orthodox Christianity, however, it is Christ and His work which redeem us, making us His children and establishing the relationship. We don’t do communion. We receive communion – as Christ strengthening our faltering faith by giving us His body and blood. Baptism is not about our commitment to God but God’s promise to us. The Word is God’s Word, revealing to us His work and the salvation He has won for us. The point is not what I can do to improve my relationship with God but what He has done to save me. I don’t come to church to have my feelings changed but to receive the forgiveness of sins in Word and Sacrament.

In the end, the greatest problem with the relationship Gospel is in its view of the cross. In the relationship Gospel Jesus died to show us how much He loves us.

While it is true that the cross shows us the love of God and He did indeed die in order to reveal His love to us, what the relationship Gospel leaves out is that He had to die in order to love us in the first place.

The fact is that we are sinners before God who is not only merciful but just as well. And His justice demands that our sin be paid for. Without that being done, He can not love us. The cross makes no sense and does nothing with out an understanding of the magnitude of our own sin. The problem is not that we do not have a relationship with God but that we do – and that relationship is one of guilty sinner before a righteous Judge. That cross was absolutely necessary in order for that righteous to be, also, our loving Father.

The relationship Gospel assumes that we are inherently children of God who have simply forgotten our relationship. But the Bible assumes we are enemies of God who have to be forgiven in order to become children of God.

It is in the reduction of sin to a “relationship problem” that the relationship Gospel does its greatest damage. It turns us into partners with God in working out our relationship differences.

In reality our relationship with God is that we are lost sinner with no desire or ability to draw near to God or to please Him in any way. And God is a merciful God who placates His own justice by washing our sin completely away with His own blood. This harsh and wonderful truth, this work of God, not our feelings is what we Lutherans mean when we talk about a relationship with God.